When Overthinking Won’t Turn Off
How EMDR Helps High-Achieving Women Find Ease
If you’re someone who appears calm, capable, and “on top of things” on the outside, you may quietly wonder why your mind refuses to slow down on the inside.
You replay conversations long after they end.
You second-guess decisions you already made.
You mentally rehearse worst-case scenarios, just in case.
You lie awake at night reviewing the day—or planning how to do it better tomorrow.
And no matter how much insight you have, how successful you are, or how many tools you’ve tried, the overthinking keeps running in the background.
Many of the high-achieving women I work with tell me, “I don’t know how to turn it off.” What’s often misunderstood is that overthinking isn’t a lack of discipline, confidence, or coping skills. It’s a nervous system pattern that can make a lot more sense once we understand where it came from.
How Overthinking Shows Up
Overthinking rarely announces itself as “anxiety.” Instead, it disguises itself as responsibility, motivation, or being conscientious. It can even look like self-improvement.
For high-functioning adults, overthinking often sounds like:
“Did I say the wrong thing in that meeting?”
“I should’ve handled that better.”
“What if they’re disappointed in me?”
“I can’t relax until everything is done.”
“I should be doing more.”
At Work
You triple-check emails before sending them. You mentally replay feedback even when it was neutral or positive. You feel a constant pressure to perform, improve, and prove yourself, even when your track record is strong.
In Parenting
You worry you’re not doing enough or that you’re doing it wrong. You analyze every decision, from screen time to emotional responses, wondering how it will impact your child long-term.
In Relationships
You read between the lines of texts. You wonder if you’re asking for too much. You monitor your tone, your needs, and your reactions, often minimizing yourself to avoid conflict or disconnection. Relationship insecurity can quietly grow even in stable partnerships.
With Friends
You replay social interactions afterward, wondering if you overshared, came across the wrong way, or should’ve handled things differently.
With Wellness
You set high standards for yourself then feel guilty or critical when you can’t meet them perfectly. Rest feels earned, not allowed.
This kind of overthinking is especially common among adults who are capable, driven, and externally successful. You’re used to holding things together. You get things done. Others rely on you.
But internally, your mind rarely gets a break.
Why High-Achieving Women Are Especially Vulnerable to Overthinking
Overthinking often develops as a survival strategy.
Many high-achieving women learned early on that being competent, responsible, or emotionally regulated was the safest option. For some, praise and connection came through achievement. For others, mistakes felt costly.
Over time, the nervous system learns:
Stay alert
Anticipate problems
Don’t mess up
Keep improving
These patterns can resemble what many people recognize as “Type A” tendencies: high standards, self-criticism, productivity, and a strong internal drive. While these traits may contribute to success, they can also keep the nervous system stuck in a low-level state of threat.
Even when life is objectively stable, the body may still be operating as if something could go wrong at any moment.
This is where insight alone often falls short.
Overthinking Isn’t Just in Your Head
You can understand why you overthink and still feel unable to stop.
That’s because overthinking is often driven by unprocessed experiences stored in the nervous system, not just conscious thoughts.
Past experiences—especially those involving pressure, criticism, emotional unpredictability, or feeling responsible for others—can teach the body to stay vigilant. The mind then works overtime trying to prevent discomfort, rejection, or failure from happening again.
This is why telling yourself to “just relax” or “stop worrying” rarely works. Your system is trying to protect you.
Effective therapy needs to work with both the mind and the body.
What Is EMDR Therapy?
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a therapy approach that helps the brain reprocess distressing or unresolved experiences so they no longer feel emotionally charged in the present.
Rather than focusing solely on talking through problems, EMDR works with how experiences are stored in the nervous system. When memories remain unprocessed, they can continue to trigger emotional reactions, self-doubt, anxiety, and overthinking.
Through a structured and personalized process, EMDR helps the brain do what it naturally knows how to do: integrate experiences in a way that feels settled rather than activating.
How EMDR for Overthinking Works
Overthinking often stems from earlier moments where you learned:
I have to get this right
I can’t afford to fail
I need to stay ahead of problems
My worth depends on performance
EMDR helps identify and gently reprocess the experiences that wired those beliefs into your system.
During EMDR therapy for anxiety and overthinking, we don’t just ask “What are you thinking?”
We explore what emotions, images, and body sensations also come up to help us answer the question: “What does your nervous system still believe it needs to protect you from?”
As the brain reprocesses these experiences, the emotional charge decreases. Thoughts that once felt urgent, critical, or overwhelming begin to lose their intensity.
Clients often notice:
Fewer mental loops
Less emotional reactivity
Reduced self-doubt
Greater ability to pause rather than spiral
This isn’t about erasing memories or forcing positive thinking. It’s about allowing your system to recognize that the past is no longer happening.
Why EMDR Is Especially Effective for High-Functioning Women
High-achieving women often arrive in therapy with strong insight, self-awareness, and motivation. Yet they may feel frustrated that these strengths haven’t resolved their anxiety.
EMDR works well for adults who:
Understand their patterns but feel stuck
Function well externally while feeling overwhelmed internally
Carry responsibility easily but struggle with rest
Experience anxiety that shows up as overthinking rather than panic
Because EMDR doesn’t rely on willpower or constant cognitive effort, it can be a relief for women who are already mentally exhausted from trying to manage everything “correctly.”
As emotional triggers soften, many people notice improvements not only in anxiety but also in trauma and relationships, including reduced relationship insecurity and greater emotional flexibility.
EMDR, Trauma, and Relationships
Overthinking often intensifies in close relationships because connection activates old attachment patterns. When unresolved experiences are present, your nervous system may scan for signs of rejection, disappointment, or disapproval even when none are intended.
EMDR can help address:
Fear of being “too much” or “not enough”
Difficulty expressing needs
Emotional shutdown or over-analysis during conflict
Persistent worry about how others perceive you
By reprocessing experiences that shaped these responses, EMDR supports your emotional healing in a way that feels grounded and embodied, not just intellectual.
What Becomes Possible When Overthinking Softens
As EMDR helps reduce the nervous system’s sense of urgency, many women describe:
Feeling more present rather than mentally elsewhere
Making decisions with less second-guessing
Responding instead of reacting
Experiencing rest without guilt
Trusting themselves more fully
These shifts support not only anxiety relief but deeper women’s emotional healing and more secure, connected relationships.
Ready to Give it a Try?
If overthinking has been running your life in the background—despite your competence, success, and insight—you’re not broken. Your nervous system may simply be carrying more than it needs to.
I offer EMDR therapy for anxiety and overthinking in a supportive, personalized setting designed to help you feel more settled, grounded, and clear.
I invite you to schedule a consultation—a relaxed meet-and-greet where we’ll explore what you’re hoping for, determine fit, discuss logistics like scheduling and payment, and decide whether moving forward together feels right. From there, we can schedule a first session if it makes sense.